This guy.. he loves me.
& I don't understand it.
I don't think I'll ever understand what he sees in me. Do you ever feel that way? Are you heavily aware of your own flaws, and can't fathom anyone loving + appreciating you for them? How can someone tell you they love your stretch marks? How can someone caress your jiggly stomach so sensually? How can someone wrap there arms around your fragile, bony frame without feeling uncomfortable? Nowadays it seems like men are so picky, unappreciative, or always wanting something better. But here I am, constantly accepted for who I am and all the baggage I carry with myself.
I'm writing this post because last night I had one of my sad moments. Where I feel guilty, not enough, far from perfect, etc. I texted him while he was at work expressing jumbled feelings and rants. Shortly after, I felt terrible texting him while he was at work and since I didn't receive a response yet, I apologized and told him I was okay (typical girl lie.) As soon as I heard the door open, I prepared myself to fake a smile, ask him about his day, the normal. Instead, he walks towards me and says, "What's going on? What's wrong?"and proceeded to wrap his arms around me. I felt warm again. As opposed to responding back via message, he just came home and the first thing he did was acknowledge me and my BS. I held him tight, he held me tighter and it's times like these I realize how very much in love I am with this man. My husband. My best friend.
We talked, and everything I said to make myself sound like the horrible person I imagine myself to be, he countered what I would say with something positive. I knew that was all I needed to hear, something positive. I've dealt with self-confidence since I was in middle school and till' this day I still battle with it occasionally. He knows this.. and he just deals with it. He helps me, instead of pushing me back down. He makes me feel silly for coming down to hard on myself. He makes me laugh when I really want to be serious, and I just can't because he just.. makes me feel better. I expressed to him how I felt unimportant since I'm a stay at home mom now, and he explained to me how my job is just as important, and if any man thinks it isn't they're childish.
I didn't think marriage was like this. I didn't think it was this "close". I thought it was black and white. I don't know how to explain.. But within this marriage I've discovered so much. How close someone can become to you, how deeply in love we are. Everyday, there's something he does that makes my eyes twinkle and fills my stomach with foreign butterflies. He'll be telling me a story, and I'll find myself thinking, "He's mine, all mine." or , "God, I want to kiss you!" It's crazy.. haha. When you have something that's real, it feels .. insane. When you feel that feeling in return it's even more insane! I actually look forward to growing old with him.. I'm happy he sits and plays playstation 2 games with my dad for hours (torture, lol) and he's extremely respectful to my family. I'm happy he holds me accountable when I'm wrong. I'm happy I don't have to tell him what his priorities should be. I could go on and on, but that's just weird and I don't want to sound obsessed (laughing out loud). I've never loved someone so deeply. He could have one leg with four arms and I'd still love him (I'd totally build him a leg, though lol).
He makes me feel like a woman should feel. Beautiful, strong, important. Things in the past have weakened my mind at times, I feel like God placed him in my life to build me up when I've hit the bottom. He tailored him for me, only me. Don't get it twisted, he isn't a set of training wheels for me. He's the person on the side helping me ride the bike. He never leaves me hanging. And honestly, if we weren't together - I know that would still stand, which comforts me. Because it's not the ring or papers that keeps us in tact. It's our friendship that became our relationship (and the fact that I have a forever best friend that I can give kisses to and watch tv series with)
This is where our hearts fell.
xoxo
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