Hello, Loves
Having two children, or multiple children isn't easy. It's actually the hardest yet most rewarding thing I've done in life. I thought just being a mom in general was so "Hard" and "Demanding", but I had no idea what I was getting myself into until I had my two. It's truly about quality time, making moments count and creating memories. Once today is finished, it becomes tomorrow.. which technically becomes today, so every day turns into yesterday. UGH, so confusing haha.
P.S I'm using all Photo Booth photos, for emphasis on capturing moments.
^ truth: a very restless mommy ^
^ one year old, Adrian ^
Adrian was our BABY BOY, our prince, everything at one time. I never thought I could love someone else, my own child as much as him. I know every mom says that, but I literally could not. Being pregnant, I struggled back and forth with how I felt actually being pregnant for the second time. I didn't photograph my stomach as much as I did with Adrian. I didn't really picture how it would be, and occasionally I would wish that the ultrasound lady made a mistake - and that Jonas would actually be a girl! I only wanted one prince, one princess. I had no idea how I was going to LOVE another boy, as much as my first. And boyyy, Jonas you sure proved mommy wrong ;)
Adrian was never jealous of Jonas, honestly. He never showed signs of jealousy, and upon bringing him home - he acted as if this was normal. He didn't question it, he just helped out and enjoyed his baby brother. He still does !! But recently, he's been a little jealous since I haven't been giving him the QT he needs since I was so sick, tired, etc. But normally, he's a sweet boy.
We didn't really talk about him having a baby brother when I was pregnant like other people do. We only said something occasionally, and he would rub my belly. When he met him in the hospital, he was slightly in shock in the sense that he was just really quiet. But once arriving home, he's been great ever since. He puts his pacifier in his mouth, talks to him, kisses him, greets him "JOJO!!!" , he truly loves him. I'm not sure if he understands this is his brother yet, we never emphasize on being a "big brother". We let everything come naturally, we didn't force the idea of loving his little brother, or anything like that. I feel like that helped his relationship with him. We never told him "who" Jonas was to him, he created his own relationship with him first and that brought their bond together drastically. Everyone's parenting is different, this is just how we did it. It helps a lot with keeping the chaos of jealousy in the house upon everything else.
The hardest part is finding a balance between who "needs" you, and who "wants" you. You can't ignore them both, in any given situation something needs to be done. Someone is crying for a reason, wether you believe this reason is valid or not. Jonas will cry sometimes just to cry. He will be fed, changed, burped, and may cry because he wants to be held. And while doing so, Adrian could've just fell, or needs help reaching something. In this moment, I'll help Adrian first and then I'll grab my Jojo and give him cuddles. It's not fair to ignore Adrian's needs, just because Jojo is crying. Adrian understands when Jojo is crying when he needs something because he'll say, "Uh oh, jojo." Occasionally I will have to tell him, "I have to feed Jojo," or "Jojo did a stinky stinky"(he loves throwing the dirty diaper away).
I'll be real, there will be times they both need me and I have to tend to Jonas first, which leads in the ultimate cry-out from Adrian. Which I quickly look at Adrian and tell him nicely what I'm doing, or I'll raise my voice a little and say, "Adrian!" which makes him stop crying and then he'll wait for me finish. I have to snap him out of what he's doing - which is crying because he needs me to come quickly (rushing me). Every parent is different, but I don't play that.. Impatience is a horrible quality I have and I don't want him taking that from me. So once I snap him out of hysterically crying, he just waits. Often times he forgets and is distracted by something else, laughing away - literally. That quick.
When Jonas is sleeping, or just calmly awake.. I try to play with Adrian a little and incorporate whatever he's doing with Jonas. He loves showing him his cars. If we're playing it's usually rolling his cars around, hide and go seek, or reading the same page on a book (lol)(he never lets me finish!!). I'll eat lunch beside him and watch Curious George with him. If he's playing a game on my phone, I'll help him and try to write on the blog at the same time. He's really the main focus as far as attention because Jonas is content just being next to me. When we nap, I'll lay with them both sometimes. I'll place Adrian's pillow at the end of the couch, and he'll fall asleep with Jonas and I at the other end. Or I'll place Jonas in the bouncer, and cuddle Adrian alone. I try to include him, not leave him out - because that leads to jealousy. I try to separate their attention sometimes also, since they're individuals and need one on one time. It doesn't matter if it's 20 minutes, just make those 20 minutes count with undivided, quality time with your babies. P.S Recently I've been napping when they nap.. it's been very rewarding ! Force yourself to sleep if you can, Mom's need to stay rested. Especially StayAtHomeMom's.
Your love life changes a lot to.. We've found the perfect balance now and I'm so grateful for that. I'm also grateful for a husband that sees quality time wether our kids are around or not. Date night? Most likely with two little ones tagging along :) Before it was hard paying attention to Domo. I was breastfeeding and my main focus was the kids. I was OD! I literally only cared about their needs and I never wanted to stay up with him - I wanted to sleep when I got the chance. Now that Jonas is on a schedule, it's so much easier. Adrian sleeps for the night around 9-10pm, Jonas sleeps about 10-11pm. Quality time isn't just sex, people. When we have time, we watch our favorite tv shows (we're obsessed with series). We watch red box movies, I watch him play the game, we make snacks and snuggle, OR we'll just simply be in the same room doing our own thing, talking. I can honestly say our love life is better than when we only had Adrian. Physically and mentally. I'm much more confident with my body, knowing that he's so proud of me for carrying and birthing his sons. I cherish his body even more, knowing he cherish's mine just as much. HA! I remember telling him I was scared to have sex again, I didn't know how it would feel in there or not (ya'll know what I mean). He knew the right words to say to keep me confident and reassured. Love continuously grows, it's never stagnate. Our time is full of quality, not quantity. I love having a meal waiting for him when he gets home, and just talking bout our day, etc. He's truly my best friend.
I suggest open communication with your loved one. When you bring a new baby home, things change. I'm so so so FOREVER grateful my husband understood where I was coming from, and helped me through the tough stages of a newborn. He never once complained, he was just there for me and was always caring, loving. I'm sure if they just gave birth, had a deflated stomach and sore boobies, they'd understand. I would constantly complain to Domo about my body and he'd have to remind me, "YOU just had a baby!" or "It's normal to feel that way,". Here's the time where you find where your love stands. Does it only revolve around physical connection? I'm a firm believer in your spouse being your best friend. I can't imagine it working out any other way.
Who is it ?! Is dat my big widdle Jojobearrrr man. Yesh it is ! Dat's my old man, Jojobearrrr! My boobie woobie woo ! :D
Take Care of You <---- I STRUGGLE with this, daily. I am so focused on my boys I don't care enough to take care of myself. This blog keeps me somewhat sane ^__^ . When I do take the time to take a long shower, listen to my favorite songs, write up here, etc I feel so much better. You ever feel to lazy to care for yourself? Sometimes I'm to lazy and I sleep rather then doing things I enjoy, or just communicating with someone other than a two year old. Make some coffee/smoothie ! Put some makeup on your face, and change out of those VS yoga pants girl.. put some JEANS on - not leggings (unless it's part of your outfit). Paint your toes. Take some selfie's. Find a favorite blog or youtube and get inspiration from other people! All of these things helps bring me back to Earth when I'm about to lose it and fly back to Mars.
It's okay to have those days where it's overwhelming and you just want to CRY. CRY! Let your tears out, and keep it moving. If you have someone to talk to, even better. Shoot.. hit me up on Facebook (Marisa A Northington) and vent to me. I love listening to other people's problems. No I'm not being sarcastic. I really do! Takes my mind off of mine. I have terrible anxiety and I get overwhelmed easily, my husband jokes me for it sometimes since he's been around to witness it for so long. I take things literal, I'm sensitive sometimes. I never stop and analyze why I'm really upset, Domo helps me with that. If you never take care yourself, you won't be able to love your kids unconditionally. You'll only love them when they're "good". Which isn't fair, because real love is loving someone through their worse as well, right ? You have to love them even when they don't understand you're tired, and you need sleep.. yet all they want to do is cry and tag team you ! Take care of you !! I mean you are the mommy, love. Mommies need time and space to!
Also, stop thinking you can do everything in one day. If the dishes can't be done, forget about ittttt (italian accent). Do them tomorrow, and don't let it ruin your day. Sit your butt on the couch and take a break, watch your kids giggle - dishes, who ?
OH! And if you don't feel like yourself, you just feel down and out.. drab.. etc. Get busy with your hubby, channel that inner Kim K. He'll remind you of who you really are :D *I'm joking, guys* *can't take a joke?* *come on, loosen up* *no pun, intended* mwahahahaha !!!!
^__^ my wittle boys ^__^
It's important, to have quality time with the relationships in your life. I have to many photos in my phone (Glad I got 32 gb, girl!!) because of it. I have a terrible memory, so having photos helps me relive the moments. Thank you, technology for making it easier to keep up with so many pictures ! Sorry I had to cut this short (as if this post didn't already take up all of your day..)
xoxo
